I envy those with MOTHERS...

Yes, I have a 'mom'... in the biological sense... No I'm not adopted, though who I am and how my family is, you would really think I was.

I'm nothing like any of them, I really don't even look like any of them.  THINGS don't matter to me and I would never not like you just because of what you have in life or how much money you make.

My 'mom' confessed to me when I was in my 20's that if she had to do it over again, she would've never had children.  Nice thing to hear huh? My 'dad' also confessed he never wanted kids but had them because 'mom' wanted them.

Well honestly I could tell this growing up.  I never did anything right, was never pretty enough, smart enough, good enough.  I was a failure and because of whom I chose to spend my life with, and my financial status, I was even less than a human being.

When I was pregnant with Ean,  I was married to my second husband. Our marriage was not great, I'll admit that... and becoming pregnant was something I had wanted for a very VERY long time... well having a child I should say, I was pregnant two other times with my first husband but lost both pregnancies.   Anyway, I was not happy with Ean's dad, but happy I was pregnant. All my 'mother' could say when I told her... "I can't say I'm happy for you". WOW...  OK...

Even my sister, who I have nothing in common with and no relationship with because she is much like them today, almost took her own life when she was a teenager. She took one of 'moms' guns and went to the park and contemplated suicide.  She always had a much better relationship with them and still does, but obviously wasn't very happy either.

I appreciate my kids for who they are, not what they will be. I know they DRIVE me crazy and in turn I drive them crazy but I'm sure they know how much I love them.. love them for them.  I hope they love me the same.

So I envy all of you who have a mom, who you can share everything with - good, bad or indifferent with no worry of any loss of love, care or compassion.  You are a lucky if you do and if you don't I'm sorry for your loss of what having a mother is like or should be.

Anyway...  I won't let one rotten apple ruin it for me!


Happy Mother's Day to all the good mommies in the world!! <3